One of the downsides of being diabetic that no one talks about, is that I have food issues. I mean beyond and above the normal diabetic things, I had problems with anorexia/bulimia-type control issues as a teenager. (Yes, you can be overweight and still have these issues.) As a result, I am a poor judge of hunger and appetite type things. I tend to overeat (or feel like I have, even when I only eat very small portions), because my stomach gets full before my brain realizes this, or to not eat at all because I don't realize that I need to. When combined with diabetes, this is a bad, bad thing.

I had a hypoglycemic episode last night. It was bad. I just laid down on the bed and didn't want to move (which is self-defeating since the only cure is to eat something), and my whole body was shaking and weak. My husband actually had to help me - get me chocolate, food, water, and deal with my inability to concentrate or clearly communicate my thoughts. It was an accident, and ironically occurred because I've had pretty good control of my blood sugar for a while.

I haven't had much of an appetite lately, and I always have even less of one at the beginning of my menstrual cycle. So last night at work, I got hungry about 8:30-9:00, which isn't unusual when I eat an early lunch (~4:00). I just pushed it away and thought that I'd be home in a few hours and I'd eat then. Which I didn't think meant that I get off at 11:00, but getting home, fixing dinner and eating can take until midnight at least, which was 3-4 hours after I was hungry - plenty of time for me to eat a snack and still eat again.

I don't think about these things though. Don't get me wrong, I love food. I like restaraunts. I even sometimes like eating and love cooking. Food network is one of my most watched tv stations. I hate when eating is a chore, one more thing beyond my control that I have to do. I hate spending money on food, because it seems like such a waste, and like you have nothing to show for it. I hate grocery shopping, or really making any decisions about food at all. That old adage about not going shopping when you're hungry - if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to buy a single thing. When I am not hungry, I don't even want to look at food sometimes.

It makes it tough, and it makes me feel stupid, because I know better. And now, I feel lousy and probably will all day, because I let myself get out of balance.

shamelessly imitating arrietty, my personal icon colorbar:

Who else is love?

pseudomonas me scripsit anno 2005

It's pretty, and it suits me. I like it.

I'm a bit bored at the moment. I'm at the college right now, while my husband works his three-hour shift. I brought my laptop, because I really need to do some downloads (such as copies of my personal website, etc. but the I can't connect to the network, so I am killing time on one of the little slave models they have here. I amy go write instead. I don't have anything else to do, if I can't work.

The ebay stuff is going ok. My hermit crab supplies are selling much better than I thought they would. Comic books are a bust with 0 bids and less than 10 hours to go. No one is even looking at them. I can't find the big box of fannish stuff (Xena Comics, Buffy Comics, Angel Action figure, other stuff) that I put aside especially for ebay, so that sucks. I need to sort through my various thousands of CCG/TCG cards and put a few boxes of them up. (If anyone plays Buffy, X-Files, Hercules/Xena, or Harry Potter Collectible (Trading) Card Games (or wants to, because I have enough to set up multiple players) let me know.)

I am contemplating trying to see if I can make a good enough go at the ebay stuff to equivolate a part time job. I have the inventory of a small Hermit Crab Supply shop, and tons of new/used baby stuff (not a big seller so far), fannish stuff (even worse). Wish me luck. If it works out, it is something that I can do while working around my disability, without the stress of trying to hold down an actual job, and still bring in the extra money needed to find somewhere decent to live.

On an unrelated note: Does anyone know a good treatment for heat rash? My extremely sensitive skin is even more problematic than usual with my diabetes, and the lack of air conditioning (and an Arkansas summer) has led to patches of heat rash all over my body, including the backs of my hands. It's probably not very noticible, but it is very uncomfortable.

So, I went to the VA last Friday. I decided to bypass the ER and go straight to the Women's clinic to see if they could get me in. After sitting there and being ignored for most of an hour (they were busy), I pressed the issue and they said, that no, I should go to the ER, because they weren't able to see walk-ins, and even if they did, there was no guarantee that they would get my lab results back before the end of the day. Before I left, I did make sure to scheduele follow up appointments for the next available day (which was April 19th - 6 weeks away), which actually turned out to be pretty good foresight when it came to dealing with the ER and convincing them that I was serious about dealing with my problems.

( Cut for boring personal details )

Anyway, I am feeling better. I hope to get two stories posted later today (a pinch hit that is overdue of ncis_tinsel and a second story for winter_of_angel. Of course, that's if I don't fall asleep over the keyboard.

And for all of those who have sat through my rambling (or not), there be icons here... (various quality and fandoms, proceed at your own risk.

( 20 Icons, no teasers )

Wish me luck. We can't really afford it, but we are driving to Memphis today to go to the VA. My diabetes is really out of control and now I have a really bad UTI, and the symptoms are only getting worse. I am hoping that I will be able to see someone and get some antibiotics, insulin, and birth control pills. The Women's clinic is pretty deserted on Fridays though, and the ER will probably refer me down there. They'll probably try to refer me for an appointment, but Friday is the only day that my husband doesn't work, and it can take months to get an appointment through normal channels. I just hope that someone will see me today and help me. I hate going there and getting screwed around, but I have been having bad symptoms for almost a month and I can't take it any more.


On a better note, I haven't been around livejournal much this week, because I've been working on Heliopolis. The database for Helio2 is almost complete, and I have minions people working on helping me get the last bits sorted and validated. It should be ready in a couple of day. Only the main archive is left. I'm about cross-eyed from looking at code and database information.

I haven't posted much lately, because i'm really not feeling well. I'm having bad headaches and am very fatigued. My diabetes is completely out of control. I've been off of my meds since i ran out of NPH insulin around the time of my miscarriage three months ago.

I feel completely awful. I checked my blood sugar tonight, and it was 331. I took 8 units of R type insulin and laid down. I almost feel bad enough to head to the ER at the VA hospital, but it's in Memphis, and we really can't afford the trip, especially since DH was off all of this week (he works at the college, and it was closed).

I don't know what to do. My dr at the VA is going to give me hell for missing appointments and getting into this state, but right now, I just want it fixed, and don't know when I will be able to get an appointment or make the trip.

I'm so tired, and really don't feel so good.